Salem Peace Lecture focuses on engaging with people we disagree with

With the contentious presidential election less than a month away, people from across the political spectrum are likely dreading coming face-to-face with family members and friends with opposite views come Thanksgiving. 

A lecture and pair of workshops coming to Salem this week focuses on learning the skills necessary to engage respectfully with people we fundamentally disagree with. 

The series aims to do away with animosity in conversations with others in the pursuit of peace, said Tim Buckley, consultant trainer and facilitator with the Oregon Network of Compassionate Communication, who helped organize the events.

“The upcoming election has really featured a divisiveness and rancor and incivility and a lot of doubt that we can climb back out of that hole to a place where we are comfortable talking to each other about our common values first,” Buckley said. “Once you build some trust, you can then get into the weeds and talk to people about things that you disagree without going to defcon four.” 

Clinical psychologist Roxy Manning will deliver the 35th annual Salem Peace Lecture on Oct. 16 at St. Mark Lutheran Church at 790 Marion Street N.E. Her talk is titled “Strengthening Democracy through Nonviolent Dialogue” and draws on her experience traveling the world instructing on nonviolent communication to promote dialogue and peace.

Manning’s lecture on Wednesday is focused on helping people name and talk about the personal challenges they face, and to adequately get their message across in a respectful manner. 

She will talk about “what it takes to help us move past this kind of divisiveness and polarization that we are in so that we can actually strengthen democracy,” Manning said. “And for me, the election, for better or worse, has become the classic place where a lot of special interests have put energy and effort into making us polarized. Into framing issues into an us versus them, and into making it difficult for us to hear each other.” 

More specifically, Manning hopes to teach people how to listen to others respectfully even if they are listening to something they do not want to hear. 

“My talk is going to be around, how do we do that? How do we actually live in a world where we have so many differing opinions and find a way to hear each other respectfully, fierceful — because the fierceness is important to me — but still in a way that is going to bring us together,” Manning said. 

Two workshops on Saturday, Oct. 19, will help people build the skills Manning discusses.

The first, an introduction to nonviolent communication from 9 a.m. to noon at the Salem YMCA at 685 Court Street N.E.

The second is focused on building resistance to polarization during conversations. It takes place at Ike Box at 299 Cottage Street N.E. 

Both events are free and registration for the first event can be done by calling the YMCA at 503-581-9622. Registration for the second event can be done online here.

Buckley said he has witnessed through his own work in this field a tremendous willingness among people to take a look at their own biases and values as a way to reconnect with others. 

He said doing so takes a lot of courage and practice. 

“The election, it could be said, is a referendum on the way we want our future to be, and do we want to continue to divide? Or do we want to make some efforts to repair and come back? And I see a tremendous amount of energy for the latter,” Buckley said.

He’s hoping the lectures and workshops will succeed in bringing people together by identifying their common values, Buckley said. 

“We want to be at Thanksgiving dinner again without it being tension-filled,” Buckley said.

Contact reporter Joe Siess: [email protected] or 503-335-7790.

A MOMENT MORE, PLEASE – If you found this story useful, consider subscribing to Salem Reporter if you don’t already. Work such as this, done by local professionals, depends on community support from subscribers. Please take a moment and sign up now – easy and secure: SUBSCRIBE.